1. If a child is provided with positive safe care, is this enough for the trauma to heal on its own?
I believe that a detailed assessment of the traumatic experiences of the child pre-adoption is vital. Each possible experience of neglect, abuse, emotional neglect, exposure to terror and shock, lack or presence of other positive relationships, and many other details need to be explored to assess the severity of trauma impact. As a trauma recovery specialist, I would begin to assess a child’s early life trauma if provided with all available information about that child’s life so far and all the concerns raised. This would provide a sense of the severity of trauma and the length of recovery therapy necessary.
It is recognised that trauma, its impact, and related symptoms are not a core part of the qualifying courses for social workers and other professionals. As a result, small yet critical details of a child’s story are often overlooked, leading to the trauma’s severity being inaccurately assessed or communicated. Consequently, adoptive parents are not effectively prepared to confidently understand what their role will require. Without thorough assessment and information availability, therapy for the child is often not readily available when needed.
For very few adoptive children, a positive safe caring experience would be adequate. Most children would have experienced terrifying and injurious wounds that remain invisible in the subconscious and the body, expressed through behaviour and emotions at various stages of development and under stressors. Even if a child settles quickly and appears to be doing well, puberty often reveals the depth of the wound through sudden distressed behaviour. Puberty need not be a period of distress if anticipated through effective trauma assessments and recovery treatment plans.
2. If a child has experienced early life trauma, what is the best approach to help them heal, succeed emotionally, and thrive in life?
Early life trauma is often pre-verbal, so the recovery approach needed must address trauma, complex and developmental trauma, the subconscious, the sense of self, the body, and attachment.
Although some therapeutic approaches may work, success usually depends on the professional being highly experienced and having additional training in trauma recovery.
•Therapy solely focused on sensory processing by an occupational therapist addresses the body but leaves unresolved subconscious experiences that impact behaviour, emotions, relationships, and memory throughout life.
•Therapy aimed only at strengthening attachment may lead the child to avoid exploring the subconscious for fear of damaging new relationships, causing psychological dissociation.
•CBT or verbal therapy may fail as children often struggle to articulate early experiences, potentially increasing their sense of shame if engagement feels too difficult.
•Non-directive play, art, or music therapy may fail to address pre-verbal traumatic memories as dissociative systems often prevent the deepest trauma from being accessed.
•Therapies provided by practitioners with only brief training (e.g., a few days in theraplay) may offer enjoyable sessions but fail to process pre-verbal traumatic memories.
At the TRC, adoptive families are provided an open-door policy. Support includes psychoeducation, practical ideas, communication from therapists, a safe and non-judgemental space for parents, and access to parent support teams. Children typically undergo 1-2 years of weekly sessions during term time, with the option to return when needed (e.g., during puberty or school transitions). Therapy includes art, music, play, and creative therapists with at least eight days of additional trauma training, progressing from working with less traumatised children to those with complex trauma.
The environment at TRC is designed to foster safety and attachment, with children welcomed back at any time, even just for a cup of tea.
3. If a parent is suffering from secondary trauma, survival mode (and possibly more), what is the best way to support them?
Parents need a safe place to be heard, where they can cry and feel understood. They need friendship, peer support, and guidance from experienced adoptive parents who offer strategies from lived experience, not just theory.
The level of terror faced by families living with unpredictable behaviour and emotional dysregulation can be significant and needs validating, whether through words or simply by providing a compassionate space with tea and biscuits.
Parents need their trauma to be recognised. Support can include additional adults in the home to give parents a physical and emotional break, trauma therapy beginning before adoption (processing grief, pregnancy loss, or personal childhood trauma), and ongoing therapeutic relationships to reduce trauma’s impact.
What parents do not need are shame, blame, or basic parenting courses that lack an understanding of trauma’s impact. They should not have to fight the system for assessments or therapy, which should be readily available and considered essential. Parents need access to therapy that avoids short-term or restrictive models, allowing flexibility as new traumatic memories surface.
Therapy centres should offer open-door policies, allowing parents and children to return when new stressors arise. Support must include mentors, therapists, parent support, and peers as part of a holistic team.
This summary is written to advocate for adequate provision for adoptive families.
Betsy de Thierry
MA Counselling and Psychotherapy, B.Ed (Hons) Education, PG Dip Play Therapy. Author of 8 best-selling books on trauma recovery.