One Child, Time and Continuity
My advice for future adopters would be make sure you focus on:-
1. Take one child. This child will need 24/7 care. There will be challenges, huge storms, happy times and quiet times. You will need to be there for all of these. This will take a lot of energy, focus and patience. Adding another traumatized child into the home can create many more issues. Siblings can be adopted by another person(s) and still meet, still have a relationship and be part of the family.
2. Time. To be able to raise your adopted child you need to available. Time to have all those difficult conversations about their behaviour, time to make sure you remain calm, time to attend school meetings, do research on diagnosis, seek out help, create memories and the list goes on. Also time for you to develop good emotional well-being for everyone in your family. Without time, many problems escalate.
3. Continuity. The child in care has gone through so much change. Often a stranger (aka the social worker) has pulled up in a car and without any warning take them away to a new home. The experience of having seven different homes in a year must be traumatic. So they need continuity. If possible stay in the same house, an inner circle that collect from school, changes in the house in terms of people and furniture remains minimal and the professionals involved know the child and their needs.
No one is coming to your rescue. You have to fight for absolutely everything for your child. Joining support groups of people with lived experience is essential as the wisdom and experience they share is so good and much better than the professionals.