According to numerous sources there are more children waiting to be adopted than there are people pursuing adoption. So PA+TCH asked it’s community what their views are and what policy change is needed. *No real names have been used*.
Adoption and Permanence: A System in Crisis
Firsthand accounts from adoptive families reveal that most would not currently recommend adoption. There is little willingness to hear from us, little interest in understanding what is wrong, and a striking lack of action to address the problems. If people truly listened and took note, they would see that the situation is nothing short of scandalous.
Our children’s injuries are ignored. Their trauma symptoms are ignored. The impact on parents is ignored, minimised, or dismissed—only for us to be blamed as “not good enough.” In truth, who would knowingly sign up to be subjected to such systemic failings?
This is not just about adoptees and adopters. All children in permanence are being failed because their trauma histories are ignored or dismissed—until the injuries become too severe to manage and the cost of repair is deemed too high for the system to implement.
Claire
The lack of understanding in social services and CAMHS about trauma and adoption is staggering. Everything takes far too long. There’s no real accountability, even though I’m sat in endless meetings with a huge number of professionals. No leadership, and most can’t remember the facts from one week to the next. Cases get mixed up — I’ve even been called a foster carer instead of an adopter more times than I can count. The system just isn’t fit for purpose. I am well on the way to having almost no contact with my daughter as well.
Richard
In my humble opinion, the reason for the shortfall in adopters is largely due to extremely poor post adoption support. Especially when adoptive families hit crisis point. In my experience, during crisis, no one would help us at all. It was appalling and very frightening to go through. I would make comprehensive post adoption support (including access to specialist education) a legal right for adopted children and their families. Adopters should not have to fight to the extent I had to do (and many others have had to do) to prevent their adoption from breaking down and securing the specialist support their children desperately require. I also feel there is a huge lack of accountability when families desperately need help, as I found, no one would take any responsibility for helping us. it was too easy for people to ignore my emails and or simply tell me they don’t get involved in educational matters.
Laura
Are they seriously surprised!! The amount of breakdowns is on the increase!!No financial support or professional help available All social services do is name, shame and blame!!!
Martin
False allegations not an if but a when. Then the bullying from post adoption social workers. Adopting is a bit like clapping for nurses during Covid. If a child has an attachment disorder they are unlikely to attach and that means the adoptive parent becomes the nurturing enemy. Schools and the state – especially secondary are prone to parent blame due to lack of understanding. The children need psychotherapy/support as early as possible – from age 2. Now the government has cut the adoption support fund there is very little chance of getting the support that is vital to create healthy families. Ironically I was a senior reporter on Community Care magazine writing about false allegations in 2003-4 in relation to foster carers!
Ayesha
I very much agree with previous comments. I would also say that perhaps people are increasingly aware of how intrusive and sometimes biased the assessment process can be. Prospective adopters may be wrongly judged or mis labelled as social workers make overgeneralisations and assumptions. Partly due to limited time to assess and partly due to just being human and under pressure to produce the report. The assessment should be very rigorous of course but it sometimes felt like a game no one knew the rules to.
Paul
The lack of understanding in social services and CAMHS about trauma and adoption is staggering. Everything takes far too long — getting an EHCP, for example. There’s no real accountability, even though I’m sat in endless meetings with a huge number of professionals. No leadership, and most can’t remember the facts from one week to the next. Cases get mixed up — I’ve even been called a foster carer instead of an adopter more times than I can count. The system just isn’t fit for purpose. I am well on the way to having almost no contact with my daughter as well.
Debbie
Adopters do not get the family life they envision! What they get is a shed load of trauma from systemic failures. Support from families disappears due to the children’s complexities. Word is getting out there I imagine that it’s not a great choice. Plus all the above!
Steven
Adoption is not fit to be a solution for permanence, children are failed, families are failed, the lack of trauma understanding creates catastrophic outcomes, the lack of recovery planning is detrimental to all. Professionals too busy talking about their practice, making sure tick boxes are recorded, instead of using bio-psycho-social trauma responsive recovery focused patbway considering the child’s internal injuries.
Siobhan
Children are being removed too late, the trauma is too ingrained, then adopters can’t cope and get blamed and shamed by social care and isolated support networks, then post adoption support don’t and won’t help.
Omar
Invest in children and birth families. Reduced health visitors, children’s centres and long waiting lists for adult mental health support and CAMHS mean support is too late leaving families in crisis.
Angela
More support for adopters similar to foster carers – financial, respite, psychological help for the adoptive parents and children. Then maybe more foster carers would adopt. We have 4 birth children and then went into fostering. We adopted our daughter because we knew security was the best thing for her. But 10.5 years in it has nearly broken us. Friends ask if we regret it NO. But if we’d known how hard it would be and how hard to get support etc.
Carol
Children’s SWs are caught up in child protection fire fighting and once safe in foster care the children are not visited . So children’s SWs do not know the children to b placed and moving them on to permanence can take years due to to paper work required and other priorities and lack of staff . Many SWs dont support adoption so implicitly ignore the need for it . They dint have the skills to place children as it’s a rare occurrence in a SW life . So it’s overwhelming . Placement teams face a national shortage of foster carers so they pause adopter recruitment to prioritise foster carer recruitment . Adopters often want replacement babies and dint want to hear about the challenges . . Believe me I was told many times – not to b so negative in prep groups . Adopters are so desperate to have their own child they can’t hear about the issues involved in taking on someone else’s child until much later on in process . So we are recruiting the wrong kind of people and not equipping them to therapeutically parent the children who are the most damaged in the system.
John
The lack of post adoption support – including financial. I believe that adopters should automatically qualify for child benefit. Often adopters need to take additional leave from work on top of adoption leave due to help children through attachment disorders/trauma.
Louise
Comparatively to other adopters I’d say I’m reasonably well supported with an understanding and proactive therapeutic social worker. However… she’s only able to do as much as she’s confined to by the system. For the most part she listens with empathy to the upset I carry day in day out, the high level of needs of my adopted daughter coupled with the strain on immediate family, constant worry of relationship breakdown with partner, loss of friends/support network and continued loss of earnings on my part.
All this leads me to feel strongly against advocating for adoption. There are times when I’ve chatted to people who are unable to have children and I’ve stopped myself from recommending adoption. Were me and my family provided with adequate support things might be different. And what might adequate support look like…? Adopters must be asked this in research from Government & agencies. We have got many of answers that are needed… we need swift, no-quibble support from healthcare professionals… fast tracking for assessments and all types of therapeutic care. Applications for EHCPs, DLA, PIP and the like to be easy, supported and again, fast tracked (surely children from care or potentially going into care need to come first due to already having trauma and attachment needs on top of anything and everything else). Adopters need support with childcare provision that fully understands the broad spectrum of trauma and attachment complexities of the child/ren. Im sick of hearing the phrase ‘self care’! Loss of earnings – I expect high numbers of adopters like myself are dreadfully financially impacted due to the immediate and/or emerging (in many cases over years and decades) high level needs of their child/ren. This lack of earnings is also hugely detrimental to the adopters self confidence and reliability in the workplace causing lack of validation, confidence and self worth. As a consequence this can have a dreadful impact on the adopter’s personal relationships and their family leading to instability in the home, a reduction of days out, holidays, hobbies, material goods etc etc further then alienating the adoptive family from other, ‘regular’ families.
Oh my god I could go on but, ramblings aside my daughter needs me and length of time it’s taken to write this has no doubt, impacted negatively on her – the adopter’s guilt over her acute attachment needs is very real!
Emily
Not sure that LAs actually know and collect the data.
Abby
The fake illusion that our children will be okay once they are living with a loving family. The lack of therapeutic support for the children and wider adoptive family post adoption. We need to continue with PEPs post adoption and educational professionals need to be trauma informed and practice throughout the whole school. Post adoption and children’s services social workers need a better understanding of section 20 for adopted children and need to change policies, procedures and forms so they are relevant to adoption. Stop blaming the adoptive parents, we live and breathe adoption and care for traumatised children…we are the experts. There should be different legislation used for care orders if a child leaves the family home, adopters should not have to go through the horrendous case building from social workers to put a case forward for neglect or beyond parental control.
Maybe adoption should be abolished and long term fostering is the way forward. It’s difficult to say as we have four children and we wouldn’t want not to have full PR but at the same time we’ve been through S20 with eldest which was so painful. We don’t regret adopting but the support hasn’t been readily available and we’ve been subject to poor practice and we’ve all suffered secondary trauma. My heart sinks when I read the joy and hope from people who are at the start of their journey but don’t want to burst their bubble by sharing how bad it can be. We also know that we don’t often hear about the many successful adoptions either.
Helen
Would be interesting to know how many children have returned to care system following adoption breakdown and if this has increased?
Carol
It’s everything…the state of the economy. Lack of job security..lack of support in every way …government has already cut adoption funding…trying to access funding..as a foster carer support for us is none existent…I would say its definitely worse for adopters you are basically paddling your own canoe…I have been told its the worse it’s ever been regarding numbers of Adopters …
Des
Give developmental trauma protected status so schools etc are required to make reasonable adjustments by law (proper training, practice and support including one to one and alternative settings, un lawful to exclude a PLAC/LAC). Recruitment drive to promote/incentivise therapists qualifying in trauma recovery for children (and more data/research into this to ensure there are clear pathways for every child which are evidence-based on solid outcomes). More funding for therapy to be available from placement for every child (ppl can opt out if not wanted/needed). Therapeutic “clubs” in every county so that parents can get much needed respite while higher needs kids get trauma-informed childcare.
Lucy
Word is out ! I would never recommend adoption due to the financial, emotional and physical implications.
Previously, adopted children may have been given up due to being born out of wedlock, now children are removed and have lived serious trauma; as such, most adopters are trying, without any support, to repair and rewire extremely complex trauma.
But you must note, this is also a reflection of the wider societal issue of low birth rates. None of my younger colleagues in their late twenties are interested in having a family. They have their degree, desire to travel and yearn a career that pays well for nice things. They openly admit, it’s selfish reasons.
Darren
I know I’d never do it again, that’s cus of the adults and the fight I went through. The supper for therapy is bad and no support for adopters just finger pointing. I have learnt don’t ask adoption support for help or therapy.
Nicola
Lack of support it’s taken me 3years before finally getting some counselling. The adoption process is quite intense social workers all over you & then once they’re legally yours didn’t see them for dust , our daughter suffered massive trauma & then us as adopters are just meant to deal with the consequences of what happened before , the support should be there you shouldn’t have to fight for it!
Hanifa
I believe that most people seeking to adopt are doing a great deal of their own research. What they are finding is that many families need ongoing well informed post adoption support. Potential adopters need to know that adoption can be a very fulfilling experience for them and life changing for their children. They need to feel secure in the knowledge that this support will be available to them whenever and at whatever level of intensity is required immediately they need it.
Josh
It must be understood that adoption trauma is not the same as trauma on its own. It is so much more complex and can seem impossible to understand. Those of us that live with adoption trauma as parents to our children are often misunderstood and blamed by society on the whole for our children’s responses to our world.
For me real understanding is paramount. It must be compulsory for schools, social workers, doctors, therapists and society to have a grasp on why adoption trauma is not the same. When I feel heard and understood, I feel confident and brave to make changes and move forward from a crisis we have endured as a family. True understanding is essential and key to families managing the impossible.
Anwar
We were given nothing more than a redacted Child Permanence Report (CPR) with our children’s history at the point of introductions. I asked the children’s social worker for the court findings document but this was not provided and I was pointed to the CPR which she had filled out. The CPR stated that our son was “happy and adaptable” and “there were no emotional or behavioural concerns”. What we knew was that our children had been exposed to domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse our son had “non accidental injuries”. They were removed from BM and her boyfriend quickly one day by the police and during introductions the foster carers informed us that our son had been “black and blue and unable to move his jaw properly” when he arrived.
Naively I wanted to believe that our son was “happy and adaptable” and that at age 5 any severe behavioural and emotional issues would be starting to show. Sadly the foster carers had bought into the narrative that our son was too young for psychological support so he spent 2 years there before he arrived in his adoptive home with his trauma unsupported. It became apparent that he had been showing his trauma in the form of control, manipulation, threats and violence but none of this was spoken of during matching/introductions and we were left to manage this unprepared with no suitable support to speak of and “surprise” at these behaviours from our social workers. I am no psychologist but if I had lived in terror of and been harmed and neglected by the people who I relied on to keep me alive for the first 3 years of my life while my brain developed. Then had this ignored for the next 2 years. I wouldn’t be “happy and adaptable” and I would certainly have behavioural and emotional concerns. As our sons adoptive family, I will never forgive myself for buying into that narrative and naively believing that we could manage him and his sister with no support plan in place and constant denial from social workers but I am not a professional providing this narrative to countless hopeful parents, setting them up to fail. It must stop!!
We call for urgent, evidence-led reform built on lived experience and human science:
Legally Mandated, Recovery-Focused Planning — Every child in care proceedings must have a trauma-responsive recovery plan, alongside the care plan, mapping lived experience, developmental impact, emotional needs, and necessary supports for both child and carer. Plans must be dynamic, clinically overseen, and regularly reviewed.
Whole-Family Support as Standard Practice — Trauma impacts the whole caregiving system. Families need structured emotional and practical support, including post-placement reviews at 3, 6, and 12 months minimum. Sibling and wider family wellbeing must be assessed and resourced.
Eliminate Punitive and Pathologising Practice — Trauma symptoms must not be misattributed to parenting failure. Replace surveillance and exclusion with trauma-informed, relational, and ethical assessment.
Ground Reform in Lived Experience and Human Science — Policy must be co-led by those with lived experience and informed by psychology, neuroscience, and trauma studies.
Transparent Data Collection on Stability and Disruption — National, standardised reporting on permanence outcomes, including breakdowns pre- and post-Adoption Order, is essential for accountability.
Independent Lived Experience Oversight Panels — Governance must include independent panels with real authority, consistent representation, and the power to recommend change.
Trauma-responsive, recovery focused, Human-Centred Practice Reform — Move beyond checklists to compassion, attunement, and reflective practice. Professional supervision should address emotional regulation, bias, and relational ethics.
Integrated Multi-Agency Support — Create unified plans shared across social care, health, education, and clinical services, with clear roles and shared language.
Ethical, Transparent Matching and Full Information Sharing — Families must have complete, honest information on a child’s history and needs before placement.
Uphold Ethical Transparency and Informed Consent — Withholding or misrepresenting information undermines trust and consent.
Regulate Emotional Threat Responses in Practice — Embed emotional regulation and reflective supervision to prevent fight/flight/freeze/fawn dynamics from damaging relationships.
Integrate Support and Safeguarding Without Hierarchy — Safeguarding and support must work together. Therapeutic insight should not be overridden by procedural control.
Recognise Systemic Injustice and Human Rights Failures — Systemic failures are not policy oversights; they are breaches of justice, dignity, and human rights.
Centre Identity, Voice, and Lifespan Development — Every plan must protect and promote a child’s voice, culture, identity, and developmental stage, with therapeutic life story work by trained professionals.
Until there is national recognition that the entire system is failing, adoption and permanence cannot be considered fit for purpose.
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